Amurika's Greatest Blog

Monday, July 05, 2010


Amurika is the TV and movie capital of the world, yet all kids cartoons are made in Japan or Canada. Can someone explain Why?

Wednesday, June 30, 2010


So to recap, Sarah:

1) Holds her breath while being drowned for about 20 minutes
2) Unplugs the drain thing (with her teeth?)
3) Her hands were tied up behind her to a chair, then they weren't.
4) Jumps out the window, lands on a car, but doesn't die. In fact she just gets up and walks away.
5) Has a cell phone that nobody is tracking (that wasn't damaged while she was being drowned or jumping out of the window) and (I guess the government forgot they could track her phone?)


This season is crap. There's usually 3 good chefs and 7 bad ones and the 7 bad ones get slowly voted off the show. This season there's 1 good one and 9 bad ones and the bad ones are REALLY bad. How is this a competition? It's more like celebrity sex rehab only with the addicts cooking.

Saturday, June 26, 2010


I'm reading yelp reviews trying to find a good Chinese restaurant near me (there are none) and every review for every restaurant has someone bitching about MSG.

First off, how does anyone know whether the food has MSG in it? Are they buying some food and then shipping it off to a lab for analysis? And what do they think MSG tastes like? I guess it would be funny to point out that EVERY SINGLE double-blind test ever done on MSG has concluded that:

1) People can't actually tell whether food has MSG in it.
2) Food with MSG in it doesn't have any harmful or even unpleasant side effects.

Everyone is convinced that MSG is bad for you because everyone is convinced that it's bad for you, so whenever someone doesn't like some Chinese food, they immediately scream "oh it was that MSG!"


Fuck you microsoft

Thanks for installing updates without my permission. If I say I don't want to restart, it means I don't want to fucking restart. It does not mean you should ask me every minute until I agree. I really want to find the engineer that designed the restart-nag and punch them. It's my computer and I don't want to restart it.

Monday, December 14, 2009


Dear all of you old folks who are currently or about to be on a gigantic line at the post office. There are a few things you should know:

  • You don't need to take packages to the post office. The post office will actually come to your house and pick up your mail and packages. There is no need to go to the post office unless you're mailing an international package. Really. That's what all those tiny trucks are for. Learn to use the Internets.
  • Your house has a mailbox. Put your letters in the mailbox and the post office will pick them up. If you need stamps, buy them at one of the 900 places that sell stamps that aren't the post office. Which brings us to-
  • Don't buy stamps at the post office. There are a few people with a legitimate reason to go to the post office and they can't get their business done because you want to buy stamps. If you really believe that the post office is the right place to buy stamps, use the fucking machine.
  • Don't come to the post office to ask questions. Whatever you need to ask is already answered on the post office website. If it isn't, then you can call the post office and ask. If you're bored/lonely then turn on the TV and watch Matlock. Some people actually have a legitimate reason to go to the post office. You don't.
  • Learn to use flat-rate boxes. This will save you time and/or money. If it doesn't save you money then it will still save you time. Is it really worth an hour on line at the post office to save $2?
  • It should take less than one minute to complete a post-office transaction. When you get to the front of the line, that means your package is taped shut, you have the proper postage ready, you know exactly how you want to send your package, and all of the stupid forms are filled out. If any of those aren't true, you're a fucking idiot and you don't deserve to have your package delivered, so go home.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009


This is to all the kiddies in my math class who think high-school-level math is hard and tests of any kind are unfair. Go fuck yourselves.

When I went to college the first time, I didn't do my homework, didn't show up for classes, and never studied. I got C's and F's. After I got my grades, I had a choice to make. I could either straighten up and start acting like a good student, or drop out. I chose to drop out.

Kids at my community college have no such choice to make. The teachers treat the kids like customers who must be pleased at all costs. They get a passing grade just for registering and get a B just for showing up for class. Putting in even a little effort is considered a big deal and makes you an overachiever. And people wonder why every America is one of the stupidest countries on the planet.