Amurika's Greatest Blog

Monday, December 14, 2009

POST OFFICE TIPS

Dear all of you old folks who are currently or about to be on a gigantic line at the post office. There are a few things you should know:

  • You don't need to take packages to the post office. The post office will actually come to your house and pick up your mail and packages. There is no need to go to the post office unless you're mailing an international package. Really. That's what all those tiny trucks are for. Learn to use the Internets.
  • Your house has a mailbox. Put your letters in the mailbox and the post office will pick them up. If you need stamps, buy them at one of the 900 places that sell stamps that aren't the post office. Which brings us to-
  • Don't buy stamps at the post office. There are a few people with a legitimate reason to go to the post office and they can't get their business done because you want to buy stamps. If you really believe that the post office is the right place to buy stamps, use the fucking machine.
  • Don't come to the post office to ask questions. Whatever you need to ask is already answered on the post office website. If it isn't, then you can call the post office and ask. If you're bored/lonely then turn on the TV and watch Matlock. Some people actually have a legitimate reason to go to the post office. You don't.
  • Learn to use flat-rate boxes. This will save you time and/or money. If it doesn't save you money then it will still save you time. Is it really worth an hour on line at the post office to save $2?
  • It should take less than one minute to complete a post-office transaction. When you get to the front of the line, that means your package is taped shut, you have the proper postage ready, you know exactly how you want to send your package, and all of the stupid forms are filled out. If any of those aren't true, you're a fucking idiot and you don't deserve to have your package delivered, so go home.

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