THREE MUSINGS

New law: You're not allowed to wear aviator sunglasses unless you're an aviator and are flying an airplane. Anyone else who wears aviator sunglasses doesn't look trendy or stylish. They look like the unibomber. If you're a woman and you wear aviator sunglasses, you look like an idiot but your friends don't have the courage to tell you.

New rule: You shouldn't be buying espresso for your 8-year-old kids. Let your kids learn to do drugs the way I learned to do drugs - in the basement of their friend's house when no adults are awake.

New rule: If I ask for a large drink, you're not allowed to ask me any follow-up questions, such as whether I want the 32-oz large or the 48-oz large. If I ask for large, that's the end of the conversation. Large, by definition, is the biggest possible size. Anything else is not large, it is medium or small.