THE KIDS AIN'T RIGHT

This is to all the kiddies in my math class who think high-school-level math is hard and tests of any kind are unfair. Go fuck yourselves.

When I went to college the first time, I didn't do my homework, didn't show up for classes, and never studied. I got C's and F's. After I got my grades, I had a choice to make. I could either straighten up and start acting like a good student, or drop out. I chose to drop out.

Kids at my community college have no such choice to make. The teachers treat the kids like customers who must be pleased at all costs. They get a passing grade just for registering and get a B just for showing up for class. Putting in even a little effort is considered a big deal and makes you an overachiever. And people wonder why every America is one of the stupidest countries on the planet.

THREE MUSINGS

New law: You're not allowed to wear aviator sunglasses unless you're an aviator and are flying an airplane. Anyone else who wears aviator sunglasses doesn't look trendy or stylish. They look like the unibomber. If you're a woman and you wear aviator sunglasses, you look like an idiot but your friends don't have the courage to tell you.

New rule: You shouldn't be buying espresso for your 8-year-old kids. Let your kids learn to do drugs the way I learned to do drugs - in the basement of their friend's house when no adults are awake.

New rule: If I ask for a large drink, you're not allowed to ask me any follow-up questions, such as whether I want the 32-oz large or the 48-oz large. If I ask for large, that's the end of the conversation. Large, by definition, is the biggest possible size. Anything else is not large, it is medium or small.

Helicopter Halloween

Last night I saw something new. Parents were driving their giant SUV's down the street, stopping at some houses but not all houses. They would then make their kids run out of the car, get candy from one house, and then run back into the car to move on to the next house. Attachment parenting has reached new heights.

THE ATM FEES

I just paid $3 to get money out of an ATM, not including what my own bank will charge me. Do you know how much it should cost to get my money out of an ATM? It should cost nothing. Because it's my money. I'm moving my money from the bank to my hand, and somehow in the process, part of it disappears. Why the fuck do we let banks do that?

The bank's job is to move money from point A to point B. That's actually they only thing they do. If they can't do it cheaply, then why are they doing it at all?