Q & A: Our Omnipotent President

This is funny

Q. Can the president spy on Americans without a warrant?

A. The president has to spy on Americans without a warrant! We're at war, and the president's gotta defend America, and he's not gonna wait for a permission slip from a judge or a senator or America to do it!

Q. That's just the kinda tough, no-nonsense thinking I like in a de facto dictator! Now some crazy people say the president broke some silly old laws like FISA and the National Security Act and the Fourth Amendment. Are these crazy people crazy?

A. They sure are! Maybe those laws worked back in 1978 back when Leonid Brezhnev was snortin coke with Ayatollah Khomeini and groovin to the hits of the Bee Gees, but in today's dark and dangerous times they just aren't enough.

Q. Things sure have changed since the innocent days of mutually assured destruction! But is it legal for the president to ignore the law?

A. Maybe not according to plain ol stupid ol regular law, but we're at war! You don't go to war with regular laws, which are made outta red tape and bureaucracy and Neville Chamberlain. You go to war with great big strapping War Laws made outta tanks and cold hard steel and the American Fightin Man and WAR, KABOOOOOOM!

Q. How does a War Bill become a War Law?

A. It all begins with the president, who submits a bill to the president. If a majority of both the president and the president approve the bill, then it passes on to the president, who may veto it or sign it into law. And even then the president can override himself with a two-thirds vote.

Q. Is the president above the law?

A. Nobody's above the law! As commander-in-chief the president just outranks the law.

Q. Can the president eat a baby?

A. If that baby has suspected ties to al Qaeda, then it's the president's duty to eat it - for the sake of national security.

Q. The president doesn't want to eat sweet, delicious babies. He just wants to protect America from the growing threat of a rogue baby insurgency.

A. Exactly. And nobody will have more compassion for that succulent baby barbecue than him.

Q. How many non-terrorist babies would it be acceptible for the president to accidentally eat in the course of enforcing a rigorous terrorist baby-eating program?

A. First of all, the president would never ever eat a baby unless it was reasonably suspected to be affiliated with possible terroresque program activities. Second of all, do we really wanna start tyin the president's hands when he's tryin to protect everybody from jihadist babies? They could be Islamifying our country's drool supply as we speak!

Q. Sir, I demand the immediate establishment of a cabinet-level Department of Baby-Eating!

A. Just til we win the War on Terror, of course!

Air America's Fucking Annoying Commercials

Air America, despite being my favorite radio station, has the most fucking annoying commercials I've ever heard. They consist of:

• Scam weight loss pills


• Scam magical hair regrowth formula


• Get rich quick scams


• Lawyers


• Magical vitamins that don't really do anything

I've finally had it with listening to their damn commercials and decided to listen via podcast. By listening to podcast, I listen to the same show, a day old, but with all the commercials stripped out.

Just to demonstrate how many commercials they play, a three hour Al Franken Show, minus commercials, comes out to a mere 1 hour 20 minutes. That means commercials make up MORE THAN HALF the programming.

As TV's John Stossel would say:


Give me a break!

What the fuck are the satellite sisters?

I just heard that Air America is taking the Mike Malloy show off of WLIB, the flagship station in New York. This doesn't really affect me since I don't live in New York and don't listen live anyway, but what the hell is going on at Air America?

First they get rid of one of their best shows, Unfiltered, and replace it with the softball right-of-center musings of Jerry Springer. I didn't really like the Springer show, but then they even took Jerry off the air and replaced it with nothing.

The Al Franken show has gone to shit ever since he dropped his co-host Rachel Maddow. What was once a hard-hitting energic political powerhouse is sounding more and more like just another morning-drive talkshow.

The Randi Rhodes show is offset by 3 hours so that we can listen to Ed Shultz, who's a good radio host but isn't part of Air America. I don't know what the hell that is all about. Every other radio show is live except for Randi Rhodes, and Randi is one of the only show hosts that actually had prior radio experience.

And now Air America has worked their suicide magic again by replacing Mike Malloy, my favorite show, with the fucking Satellite Sisters, which seems to be some kind of rightwing happytalk show. Here's an excert from their lame website:

Did you know that scientific research suggests that chuckling can boost the body's immune system and decrease stress hormones? That’s good to know because laughing is one of our favorite things to do!

Yes, uhh um, lets hear it for laughter. Yah. Somehow I don't think their show is worthy of being broadcast to millions of people who are hungry for truth and compelling progressive political talk. It seems like more of the same watered down crap that we already hear on every single radio station. What the hell is Air America thinking??

ORGY?!?!!

Today I read an article in the San Francisco Chronicle about some shrill loudmouthed no-nothing sky-is-falling asshole, Corine Fanene, saying that kids dancing at a school dance is an "orgy":

The television trucks were lined up four deep at Foothill High School on Wednesday night for the announcement that the school is banning sexually suggestive "freak dancing." And no wonder. It was a story made for headlines: "School Forbids Sex-Crazed Dancing."

...

Not that the passion shown by those who did attend wasn't real. Corine Fanene, the single parent who accidentally set off the whole fuss, says she was shocked by the behavior she witnessed at a Dec. 16 school dance. Girls, she said, were rubbing the backs of their skimpy dresses into the crotches of the boys they were dancing with. "It almost looked like an orgy," she says. "Really."

Definition of orgy:

A large, and often lavish, gathering of people for the purpose of having group sex.

So let me get this straight. At a school dance in Pleasanton, monitored by staff, there was a large gathering of kids having group sex. Yes sir, group sex in a school. And obviously Corine Fanene would know what an orgy looks like.

What actually happened, contrary to this stupid wingnut moron and the people that feign outrage about it, was that kids were dancing. That's it. Please shut the fuck up about it and go back to your sex-free disney channel home filled with gumdrops and candycanes and pictures of santa claus and the tooth fairy and run-on sentences. Jesus god what the hell is wrong with people!

Here is an example of what so-called "freak dancing" may look like-


Oh my god, call the junior anti-sex league! The clothed backside of a male has come into indirect contact with the frontside of a clothed female! Surely the entire fabric of society is about to come UNDONE!